Sorry for the silence…the pain from the breast reduction ruled my life for all of May and June…and now here we are in August?! Oi.
Having contended with kidney stones for much of my adult life, I can say that both the intensity and duration of the post-breast reduction pain were absolutely the worst I've ever experienced. You are told you will hurt after the surgery, but there's no real way to convey the utter constancy and misery of the pain. The worst of it at the beginning is somewhat negated by the swelling, which imparts a certain numbness. As the swelling goes down, new worlds of pain is introduced. I didn't even realize how much pain ruled my life until about week six or seven, when I sat at my desk at work and thought, "Oh, HEY! I'm not in pa…oh, goddamnit!" as a new wave of agony hit.
You are told that the skin is fragile, and that you shouldn't lift more than five pounds for three months. You have no idea just what fragile means until you pull open a door and tear the skin beneath or above your healing incision, because almost everything in this world is more than five pounds. The scars on the left Frankenboob are significantly more impressive than the right Frank' for this reason alone…I must have torn the skin on the left side six or eight times.
Even with the pain, your breasts are new and exciting - it has been like freshly discovering my body without the angst of teenage hormones. It was also a source of infinite entertainment to my friends. My roommate, B., said to me, "I had never in a million years dreamed that I'd have 'Hooterectomy!' as an entry on my calendar"
One morning, B. walked into the kitchen to find me standing with my hands beneath my breasts, wrists against my chest and palms up. "What…the hell….are you doing??" she asked. I exclaimed, "My breasts don't go past my fingertips anymore," and then cupping them with joy, pronounced, "they're SO TINY!" I should confess here that I have gone from a J-cup to a D. Tiny is, shall we say, relative. My roommate laughed, "Do NOT let a small-breasted woman hear you say that."
And once the pain subsided, finding that I still had sensation in more intimate moments? Joyous. Who knew that, "Want to see my scars?" would be such a great pickup line...
With the exception of some recurring waterblisters across the incisions from the recent heatwaves, I am mostly healed and pain-free. My back and neck are much relieved, and I am thrilled to finally be working my way back to a normal life.
